Monday, December 15, 2008

I'm not okay.

"How are you?"

My heart is broken and forever aches.

I wake up every day and remember that my baby died and I'll never hold her in my arms.

This life is no longer interesting, fun or enjoyable.

Sometimes it all I can do to breathe.

I look forward to nightfall every day so I can escape my reality for a while.

I'm wrapping Christmas presents for other people's children, not my own.

For Christmas and I bought my baby a grave blanket.

I want to die.

I'm not okay.

2 comments:

-clevergirl said...

I am thinking of you today, I hope you are a little better. **HUG** Sorry I have been missing in action, let's just say hackers SUCK! I sent you an email about it all. The moral of it is don't EVER use an ATM. I am sorry you are having a hard day. I look forward to nightfall too, it feels so much shorter and the time goes by so much faster than the daytime. We will survive this, we WILL. **BIG BEAR HUG**

Kara Chipoletti Jones of GriefAndCreativity dot com said...

This same idea came up over on the MISS Forums this past week on the Creation Station board. I had posted a prompt there asking what everyone's protest signs would say -- you know, if you could carry a sign to protest, to voice grief, what would your sign say? And one of the moms wrote "I AM NOT OKAY". Just wanted you to know many of us do/have felt this and you are not alone and we are thinking of you! If you are not already on the boards there, and maybe want to, please see MissFoundation.org/forums to get started -- and then we are on the Creation Station board. I can't remember now if that is how you and I connected or not... anyway, just thought to share that connection. Lots of miracles and supportive vibes to you! k-