A quick post - they're both sleeping right now (an uncommon occurrence) and I'm thinking a quick update is in order. Warning - very boring post and rant.
I've been feeling like a shit mother these days. I have enlisted so much help, that I feel like I'm unable to handle them alone. Shouldn't I be able to do this on my own? So many mothers of twins do. But I can't.
My mom comes on Mondays. My in-laws come on Wednesdays. I hired a nanny for Tuesdays & Thursdays (until I go back to work full time, then she's here full time) and my husband takes the night shift and still helps me out during the day!!! What am I doing wrong?
Every twin mom tells me to put them on the same feeding schedule and to feed them at the same time. We've tried this, and with my daughter's reflux, she ends up vomiting (not spit up) half of her bottle after her feeding. This is with continual burping every 1/2 ounce or so. And my son is a little piggy. He sucks down that bottle like it's a beer bong and you only have to sit him up to burp him - he's pretty easy that way. But he gets formula ALL OVER himself as if he likes to wallow in it while eating. Makes for a messy baby and lots of changes of clothes.
So - the tandem feeding also won't work because both babies need to be soothed ALOT after feeding, in order to go back to sleep. Sometimes I can leave my daughter in her swing for a bit while she looks around and is quiet. But him - no way. He is a little monster (meant in the best way, of course.) He has colic, so he will scream and fuss until he falls asleep in your arms. Last night, he actually screamed himself hoarse. Diaper? check. Food? check. Warm/cold? check. Binky? check. Swaddled? check. (sometimes unswaddle?? check.) I'm telling you - nothing works.
So this morning, I woke up at 3:45am and relieved my husband, and at 5:20 they both woke up screaming to be fed. I tandem fed, burped them each repeatedly and he would not settle down. His pathetic little squeaks (since he's now hoarse) just break my heart. And the more he cries, the more stirred up his sister gets, so out came the double stroller and we went for a walk. Here I sit now, updating my blog as they snooze in their carseats.
I feel like I'm failing my babies. I can't keep them both pacified. I feel like I'm overwhelmed when I'm alone with them, and unable to give each the one-on-one attention they both need and deserve. If they're up together, it's a race to feed, burp, soothe and get them back to sleep before they meltdown. If they're up separately, I prefer it because I get to spend the quality time with each that they need/deserve, and I don't have to rush either of them back to their respective swings. They can hang out and chill with me on the couch, just talking or playing quietly. Unfortunately, this gives me about 15-20 minutes after they fall asleep, until the other twin wakes up looking for the same routine. In those 15-20 minutes, I have to pee, eat, drink, pump, wash bottles, throw dirty burp cloths in laundry, etc. and so on. It's exhausting.
SO that's my rant. I am a shitty mom. I can't handle both at the same time without someone pitching a fit. Maybe I have to get used to that? I love them both dearly and would rather have this much trouble on my hands than a dead baby - no doubt Kara was no trouble at all and I have to live with that the rest of my life. But perhaps I will get better at this? I am just overwhelmed. AND I HAVE HELP!!!
Pedi update: both had their 1 month check up on Monday. She weighs 9lb6oz and he weighs 9lb3oz - each gained 2 lbs in 2 weeks and he gre 1.5 inches. yay babies!
Time to have a cup of coffee before the little darlings wake up. xxoo
11 comments:
Oh sweets, you are not a bad Mum. So far from it. I had help with me every single day for the first 10 weeks of Angus' life, and there is only one of him! Now I do lose track of time easily, but I don't think the twins are even that old yet, so you are doing just fine.
Angus was a super, super fussy baby and it does make it hard. You are so desperately grateful they are here, but so utterly exhausted from trying to tend to their every need. And it can be so frustrating and heartbreaking when you've done all you can to soothe them and they still scream.
I never let myself imagine Angus arriving safely. Most days, I never thought he would. So I never put much thought in to what it would actually be like to raise him. I put away all the baby books as it seemed far too much like tempting fate to read them.
Looking after him has been hard. Harder than I thought. But after what we have already survived, it is nothing, really.
Both of us have already done the really hard stuff by saying goodbye to our girls. This new baby stuff, though it is hard, - we can do it (even if we need a bit of help!) And you are doing a magnificent job of it right now, TIMES TWO!
Love to you.
xo
You are not a shitty Mom. You have not failed your babies. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed at times with a newborn/s (even with help), and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of crap. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be to have two little one with issues (colic and reflux, ouch)that has to be incredibly demanding and hard. My oldest had colic. There were so many times (day and night) that I would just sit there and cry. We tried everything with him, formula changes, gas drops, massage, you name it, we tried it. The only thing that soothed him besides being constantly carried around was going for a drive. My Mom had found a crib vibrator that simulates the rocking motion of a car. I don't know if they still make them, but that thing worked miracles. We'd actually strap him into his car seat and put the entire seat right in his crib and he'd be out like a light.
Sending you hugs.
Rose
just in case you're interested... I found the website for the crib vibrator. I think it's the exact one that we had. c*olic.com
You are not a bad mom. That sounds like a lot to deal with.
Have you tried a white noise machine to help with the colic? It has worked wonders with our youngest. It has the added bonus of helping them sleep longer.
You are not a shitty mom. At all. It is HARD. I feel guilty all the time about not holding them enough - when I hold one and not the other, when I put them down on the floor to play and I am not holding either one...it is a constant struggle of guilt. We just have to do what we can. I had to hire a night nanny when my husband was in the hospital...and I kept her after he got out - she worked two nights a week from 10 to 6 and was my savior.
Take all the help you can get - that makes you a good mom - so that they get what they need, all the time.
BTW, happiest baby on the block saved us to - our boy was very colicky - the fisher price lamb swing that goes side to side also saved us - he swang for hours...
((HUGS))
You are a wonderful mom! Do not be hard on yourself! Your babies are thriving! You are doing a fabulous job! Thank God you get some help with 2 babies to care for. Sending all my love and support to you. Things will get easier with time.
Kathy
No, no, no. You need to stop yourself from being sucked into to mommy-guilt right now. There will be plenty of mommy-guilt to go around in the years to come. We all will make mistakes with our children. Right now though, you are NOT making mistakes. You are sacrificing. You are exhausted. You are doing what you HAVE TO do for survival. That's right. Right now, for this early period of time, it's just about survival. Theirs AND yours. They are delicate, fussy, pukey, hungry, poopy, cold, hot, and very, very needy. (Of course they are also the most precious, beautiful rays of sunshine ever, but that goes without saying). Again, it's about survival. Sweetie, I was barely surviving those first weeks with ONE....GOOD (read: non-refluxing, non-colicky) baby. You are doing fabulous! Honest. You are NOT failing them. The survival phase is just hard. Getting them through the first month or two. I PROMISE that there will be the quiet cuddles, story book time, smiles and giggles and all the things we think about when we are pregnant.
So, will they remember the vomit, the colick, the crying, the lack of sleep? No. They won't. You will. So don't let it eat you up. You need help. Take it. And know that nobody in the world could do as good a job caring for them as you are doing right now! There is no easy solution to getting through this time, but you will get through it. And your babies will thrive and flourish!
p.s. I saw meinsideout's comment about Happiest Baby on the Block. I have a copy (DVD) I'd be more than happy to send you if you want it.
Hey, I had one easy baby at home and felt like that all the time. If I could go back to that time and say something to myself it would be that it goes so fast, you might as well enjoy it.
The transition from work to being a mom isn't easy either, you've done it twice now so don't underestimate that, as well as the enormous and crushing grief that having Kara's brother and sister home would have on you.
You're doing a great job! Everyone is fed, clean, rested and not lacking for love. It's great for the twins to have lots of people involved in their care, it helps them be more flexible and social!
I had help for the first six weeks and I only have one baby to try to figure out!! I don't even pretend to think I'd have two figured out. Don't be so hard on yourself!!
Honey, you arent a shit mom. It takes a while to get into the swing of thing. Dont be too hard on yourself. And sometimes, taking them for walks is all you can do! We used our stroller a lot in the early days, LOL. Do you have a sleep sheep? Our twins love it when they sleep.
Huge ((((hugs)))) You are doing a great job with very needy little babies!! Take all the help you can get - don't worry about needing help...you have TWINS! And they are still very, very little. The first 3 months were the hardest, it gets much easier after that.
My second child was colic, and one of my twins had severe reflux - so I can understand how hard each situation is. What I can't believe is that you have one of each with your twins!! You, my dear, are supermom to have to deal with both colic and reflux. One thing to think about with the colic is that mine ended up being cow's milk intolerent. Once I took all milk out of my diet (I was BFing), he did much better within 2 days. After, he ended up on soy formula (at 6 months) and he was still fine - he grew out of it at 2 years old.
Hang in there! You are doing great!
~Carol
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