Today marks 2 months since Kara was born and placed in my arms. I feel as if I'm in a nightmare - I was pregnant for 37 1/2 weeks. Where is my baby? The baby I dreamt of , the baby I planned to spend my entire summer with? Where is she? She is gone, leaving daddy & I alone. So very alone. We are trying to pick up the pieces of our lives; trying to find a reason to continue living each day, without our baby girl.
A few months ago, we were discussing quantum mechanics & multiverse theories. For every second in time, there are numerous possible outcomes. Each of these outcomes split off into another universe, over and over again. This is the multiverse. According to the MWI theory, the multiverse exists in the same time parameter. All universes are structurally identical, but exist in different states. They are also non-communicating; no information can pass between them. At the time, this was beyond my comprehension.
On the way home from the hospital, Peter said "Somehow, we ended up in the wrong alternate universe. Somewhere, Kara is alive with us and we are bringing her home from the hospital right now. We are in the wrong universe." I understand the concept now - my life has become a stranger to me. Somehow, our lives branched off into some other 'possibility' that wasn't of our choosing. We no longer exist in our original universe. This is a foreign land, one that holds no pleasure for us anymore.
Our lives will never be the same. We no longer 'fit' into this world. Alone in our grief, we push through each day, trying to find some purpose, some hope, to keep going on without our child.
I miss you baby girl. I will love you forever, and look forward to the day when we will be reuinted on the other side.
1 comment:
I noticed your blog from MISS. I commend you for being able to write your thoughts about Kara like this. I am sure it is a comforting thing to do. I lost my precious Julia Grace on July 8th. This is the worst thing that anyone should ever have to face. I don't know how to go on.
Melinda
Post a Comment