5 Month photos & update

I have to share a Christmas photo of the twins at 5 months. DD was not very pleased at the whole flashbulb-in-her-face-thing, and both were quite surprised at the different poses they were put in, but this is the only one that turned out pretty good. I couldn't get the photographer I wanted because she was booked through New Years, so I went to the mall and learned my lesson the hard way. $160 later, I'll never do that again.

They are healthy and thriving; she weighs 19lbs and wears a size 3 diaper, while he weighs 17lbs and wears a size 2. Both are rolling over and trying to crawl by squirming around on the floor until they inch their way forward or sideways. Both are trying to talk. My son goes "bbbbrrrrbbb" over and over and my daughter babbles all kinds of sounds constantly. She sleeps like a champ....but my son doesn't sleep AT ALL at night. He is literally up every 45 minutes, wanting to be held, rocked, bounced, etc. It is horrible and today we are heading back to the GI specialist to see if there is something else going on besides GERD (which is controlled right now with Prev.acid). My husband is up all night and can't even get a solid hour of sleep. My daughter wakes up sometimes at 11pm and always at 4pm for a feed and goes back to sleep within 45 minutes, so it's not so bad on that front. But him....good Lord. I don't know what we're going to do. I hate the thought of CIO because it seems cruel, if in fact he is truly uncomfortable in his tummy. That's why the visit to the GI doctor today. We shall see.

My kids LOVE LOVE LOVE Ba.by Ein.stein videos. They're on most of the day while the kids are doing other things (play mat, jumperoo, rolling around, eating, etc.) If the videos are not running in the background, they get antsy and whiny and no one wants two cranky babies. Obviously when it's story time or time to sing along with our baby CD, it's off. It's so hard right now with the weather being so freakin' cold - I can't even get them out in the stroller because it's been 25-degrees and windy. On the weekends we'll go to the mall and stroll for 1-2 hours, but during the week the nanny is at the mercy of the weather and it's no fun at all. If Ba.by Ein.stein makes me a bad mom, then I guess I'm a bad mom. I seriously don't know what else to do with them besides their current activities of jumperoos, playmat, rolling over, feeding, reading books, singing songs, etc. They always get plenty of floor time and rolling around time but they get bored and sometimes need something else to distract them. If you have any good suggestions, I'm open.

They also are completely dependent on their bouncy seats to fall asleep. In order to get them down for nighttime or for naps, they are placed in their bouncies and read stories (sometimes we sing along to a nursery rhyme CD when they're not quite tired enough yet) and then I (or nanny) bounces them to sleep with our foot and transfers them to their cribs. It works for now...but when they outgrow their bouncies at 25lbs, I screwed. I've decided not to worry until then though, because they seriously change every few days. One day they like this, another day they start liking something else. I'll worry about it when they get to be 25lbs. It's impossible to rock a baby who doesn't want to be rocked in a rocking chair - they get worked up and get a second wind. My son would be rocked, but my daughter really likes to be bounced. go figure. My friends with singletons are horrified at the 'bouncing to sleep' practice but seriously? don't judge me until you have TWO babies to put down for naps and for bed. I can not imagine how EASY one baby would be compared to two with completely different likes/dislikes, temperments, sleeping patterns, one with serious reflux, etc. I hope we will have another baby after these two, because it will be a walk in the park compared to this. I can't tell you how many times I've pee'd or eaten a meal with one in my arms. Or how many times I've had to bounce both with both feet while holding pacifiers in each of their mouths until they fall asleep. Or how hard it is to carry TWO babies in their car seats out to the car in freezing weather while loading the 50# double stroller by myself. It is not easy. You have to make do and find whatever works. I'm not complaining, but I'm so tired of hearing my singleton-mom friends tell me how to do things that I'm ready to snap.

The other thing is bedtime. They and I...LOVE our bedtime routine. Usually around 5:30pm we start bathtime, dress in our jammies & Sleepsacks and sing a few songs and read a few books. Then our bedtime book and bottles, and we are ASLEEP by 6pm! I vary this a little bit depending on how tired they both are. But usually this is our routine and we love it.

I'm deliriously happy and so very grateful to have these two little ones in my life. I'm so blessed that they are healthy and alive. Even when he's up all.night.long. We are still so very happy that they are alive and healthy. It is awesome having TWO and I can't imagine having one. They look for each other when they're separated (if one takes an extra long nap or runs to the store with my husband.) They hold hands when playing on the play mat and even 'communicate' with grunts and squeals - too cute.

That's my update - I hope everyone is doing well and I'll post again in a few days. I have another post in my head that I need to get out into cyberland.

A story I just had to share....

Four year old meets sister in heaven....

4 Months & Pure Cuteness

It's been a long time since my last post. Things are a bit hectic in my household, to say the least. Everyone is doing well and I'm really getting the hang of mothering twins. It's a juggling act mostly - but definitely fun and well worth the difficulty! I love these kids to pieces and I can't imagine my life without either one of them.

M is still ahead of Q in terms of weight, development, sleeping, etc. She weighed 17lbs 4oz as of last Monday and for several months now has been giggling and laughing, smiling and cooing, making all kinds of noises. She is sleeping 6:30p or 7p - 1am or 3am and goes back down easily until 5am. She is a dream baby. Hard to PUT to sleep - lots of bouncing in the bouncy chair to get her down, but once I put her down, she stays. She is loving applesauce & sweet potatoes, not big on rice cereal (stuff smells horrible!)

Q weighed 15.5lbs as of monday and still has horrible reflux, but the Prev.acid is a wonder drug. He is a happy spitter now, has started giggling and once in a while a belly laugh will light up my world. Hates food with a spoon, not big on his bottle either actually. He also goes down around 6:30-7p but unlike his sister, he is up at 10:30, 12:30, 2, 3 and then needs to be physically bounced in his bouncy seat until 5am when M wakes up. It is horrible. I don't know if it's the reflux, but my Pedi says to give it another month and let's talk about it then. I guess by 5 months he should be doing better, but my DH is dying. He takes night shift and it sucks when he can't even get a 2-3 hr stretch of sleep because of Q. Q doesn't even wake up because he's hungry - I believe he wakes up and can't put himself back to sleep or his reflux is bothering him, but I can't be sure. It's too early to sleep train yet so we just have to suffer through it. I'm 'this close' to bringing him to bed with us to see if that would help him sleep through the night, but I'm afraid it won't work either and BOTH DH and I would lose sleep all night long. I am at a loss on this one...any advice?

They both love their Fisher.Price Jump.eroo's - and Baby.Einstein RULES my world. The only time I can really get bottles washed and the living room straightened up is when Baby.Einstein is on. They are glued to the TV and I can eat, do laundry, straighten up, wash bottles, etc. It's my only break because although I try to get them to nap together, it's not always possible. AND - they nap in the living room so I am limited on what I can get done while they're asleep.

My mom has finally stepped up to the grandma plate. She comes every Saturday and helps me all day. This week she came Friday afternoon and stayed over. We had the best time and I was able to paint Q's room and get some of their Christening gifts & my maternity clothes put away. It's amazing what you can get done when you're not holding a baby 16 hrs a day!

Work sucks. I can't focus when I'm working from home because I react to every cry. They don't really 'cry', they may whine or yell for one reason or another, but once in a while they do cry if they have trouble burping or are over tired, and I find myself running upstairs to help the nanny. I have to show her how to please them and what they may need when they are doing this or that, etc. I can't stand to let them whine/cry and I always involve myself to alleviate their discomfort. I hope that eventually she will get to know my babies as well as I do. She's doing a great job, but I still involve myself. ugh.

That's my update - they're stirring from their morning nap. will post soon.
All is well here except for Q's sleeping woes. Babies are happy, mom & dad are happy and exhausted.

14 weeks and almost under control

Wow - the twins turned 14 weeks on Monday and things are gently falling into place. Here is where we stand, the good, bad & the ugly.

• Not in their cribs yet. Both still sleeping in the living room. M on the couch, Q in his swing, in his bouncy and on the floor on the pack & play mattress. He is unable to stay comfortable due to his reflux and his gas, but he's slowly getting better. M sleeps 6-8 hrs at a time, but she is still sleeping on her belly, on a toss pillow on the couch. I am horrified as I write these words, but that's the truth.



• I am better able to manage them alone and I now enjoy the time immensely. I look forward to when the nanny leaves so I can have them to myself. DH naps from 7-9p so we have our bedtime ritual and we all love it.



• I look forward to weekends when I have them to myself. It's hard work - no sugar-coating it. WHen DH is sleeping and I'm alone for 8 hours, it's tough. But I get a nap when he wakes up and now have a bit of help from my mom who has decided to help out on Saturdays.



• M is giggling and smiling like crazy. She is starting to grab toys and loves to explore how different textures feel in her hands. She fights sleep and is difficult to get to sleep, but once asleep, will nap for 2-3 hrs at a time and sleeps 6-8 hrs at a stretch during the night.



• Q's reflux is finally under control (hail Preva.cid) and is smiling and happy. He is easy to fall asleep for his naps and generally the easier of the two.



• M weighed 15lbs at her 13 week checkup. big girl!



• Q weighed 14lbs at his 13 week checkup. finally gaining some weight!



• My PPD is finally under control. It took about 6 weeks for the meds to really take full effect, so I am feeling better and more in control of my life.



• I'm hating work and I wish I was a SAHM. Nothing at work is interesting anymore.



• I am on my third nanny. Nanny one was too young and inexperienced. M was being ignored because she was 'difficult'. M&Q were both being bounced in their bouncy chairs WAY too much and no one was getting read to, played with, etc. Nanny two was Nurse Ratchet. Professional, but hard core. They were going into their cribs and she was using the Ferber method at just 12 weeks. Considering they were only 8 weeks adjusted, this was unacceptable and we altered her approach. Even when they were awake, they were fussing and crying and she was stuffing the binky in their mouths. Unacceptable. I kept intervening and showing her what they actually wanted. If they napped for 10 min in their cribs, she would get them and start singing loud songs to them in the living room. okay - onto nanny three. I found her on careDOTcom - mother of 10 yr old twins. She is working out pretty well. She is mellow and sweet - loves kids. She has been there, done that. She understands. She handles them well and although they still fuss (what baby doesn't?) their eyes are not puffy from crying like with Nurse Ratchet. They are generally happy and kept busy watching Baby Einstein, playing on their play mat, being read books, going for long walks in the stroller and singing sweet nursery rhymes. Not a dynamic nanny, but good enough. She is gentle and caring and I feel like the kids are getting enough stimulation.

So there's my update. And here are some updated pic's of my little cuties.

Almost 12 Weeks

Monday, the twins will be 12 weeks. In my mind, 12 weeks was some magical milestone...they would sleep through the night, be on the same feed/sleep schedule, be in their cribs, and generally be easier to be alone with. I really thought I wouldn't need as much help as I did when they were younger.

But I do. I need the help. I have a nanny during the work week, but otherwise we're on our own. No one is helping me except one girlfriend who doesn't have kids of her own yet. We used to be best friends...for 15 years, in fact. We moved across country together and then moved back East 10 yrs later together. We lost contact 5 yrs ago when she wouldn't enter rehab for her alcoholism and we recently reconnected and long story short - she is here every Sunday to help. She is an angel. But you'd think my own mother would help out. Every Saturday I call to ask for her help and she has some bullshit plans...one time it was 'Yard-saling with Aunt L, another time it was some other stupid shit. My mom is retired. You'd think she would find it in her heart to come and help out and NOT make trouble for me & my husband. About 6 weeks ago I wrote a post on how she was coming here to "Help" and actually made things worse. A normal person would just come and help her daughter with twins. My mom has decided to fuck me and not help at all. I'm so frustrated and angry with her and I feel so abandoned. I can't afford the nanny on weekends or evenings and I'm just overloaded.

One of my girlfriends came up yesterday, G, who has 3 kids of her own, all under 8. She is very busy with all of their extra-curricular activities and can't really help. But, she did offer some advice that I think may help save my sanity. It may be time to put them in their cribs a few times a day and let them cry a little bit so I can get something done, or even have a few moments to myself. When DH wakes up today (he's on the night shift) we are putting the second crib together in another room, and they are going into their cribs. I know I'll be crying when they cry, but I really think my sanity ultimately depends on them being able to get naps during the day.

Any advice? I am so confused and insecure about my parenting abilities. I think I need some advice from other moms. help.

9 Weeks Tomorrow

Wow - this is really, insanely hard. And I have help during the week, and a husband who lets me sleep 8 hours at night - and this is horribly difficult.

I'm not enjoying it, mostly. I have moments where I do enjoy it - mainly when I have someone else here to help hold one while I focus on the other. I melt inside when I get those smiles and when they interact with me. But I had no idea how hard this would be.

When I'm alone with them, I keep the X.a.n.ax on hand because I mentally breakdown and I'm unable to hold it together.

If I had only one, I could feed, play, and rock/hold/swing/sway, etc. that one to sleep. Having two ALONE is ridiculously hard. You get one down and the other is screaming and wakes the first one up. It goes on and on like that all day long. I am on pins & needles until I have help.

And they're still in the living room, sleep on the couch (supervised) on the floor (supervised) in their bouncy chairs or swings, because they won't go in their cribs. I'm hoping maybe at 12 or 16 weeks that will happen. Right now, it's just impossible.

Anyway - we're hanging in there, but I feel like a shit because I'm struggling and not really enjoying myself most of the time. I only enjoy it when there is help, which there is NONE of on the weekends.

Almost 7 Weeks, and surviving

Monday will be 7 weeks and we are hanging in there. Things are hard, I won't lie. But since I've given up on any pretense of sanity, things have become manageable.

I had expectations of perfectly well-behaved babies, who would go to bed at a certain time, play a certain way and otherwise not fuss. Obviously, I was deranged. My daughter is the picture-perfect baby, or she was up until 6 weeks. She has found her voice and has decided to become Ms. Fusspot. She doesn't cry, except when she wakes up hungry, and it's a cute mewling-sort of cry. But when she's awake, she's awake for HOURS!!! And she fusses. And she wakes up her brother! My son is the difficult baby. He wakes screaming for his bottle, is difficult to burp, and is only awake-and-not-screaming for about 30 - 60 minutes TOTAL each 24-hour period. He is tough.

There is no schedule. There is no bedtime, there is no naptime. They run the house and we tip toe around them when they're napping, for fear they'll wake. We tip toe around him especially because he's so difficult. When they fall asleep on us, we are afraid to move and put them down, because we've been holding them for HOURS and we're afraid they'll wake up again. Horrible, I know. But when they're awake, they're not much fun after the first 30 minutes or so.

I'm hoping this gets better in a few weeks :-)

My husband has been a champ - he makes me go to bed between 8-9pm and tells me NOT to get up until 5 or 6am. Can you believe it? I generally can't sleep that long - so I go from 8-4 or 9-5, but still - I'M GETTING 8 HOURS OF SLEEP PER NIGHT! I DO LOVE THIS MAN.

At their 6-week Pediatrician appointment this week they weighed 11lb2oz and 10lb14oz - go babies!

I married the best guy ever and have three of the cutest babies I've ever seen. I miss Kara every single moment of every single day, and I am thankful and grateful that these two are alive and well with us. When I get frustrated with their screaming (really, his) I remember that I am blessed to have them alive. When my husband holds them sleeping in his arms, he tells me "This is the true meaning of life. "