Today was a lonely day, not unlike most of my days since Kara died. DH was at school all day leaving me to my own devices, which is never a good thing.
My day started out okay; woke late, had yummy coffee while checking emails, forced myself to the gym and did some retail therapy afterwards.
Returning from the gym, I searched the garage for the silk floral arrangement I made for Kara's grave for St. Patrick's Day. I needed the metal hooks I used to hold it in the ground, for her Easter decoration. Looking at that flower arrangement with the stuffed leprachaun made my heart break. A rush of emotion hit me all at once; how tragic that I have a child's grave to decorate during holidays. How much I miss my daughter, every second of every day. A short sobfest followed; crying over her picture, wiping my tears from the glass before it ruined the photo, calling my mother in desperation for a human connection. It was not a good day. I dread the days when I am alone - they almost always end up this way.
4 comments:
I understand. ((HUGS))
Me too, I almost inevitably end up in tears when I'm alone... a sobfest indeed, but sometimes needed.
So vey glad you like your tag.
Hugs.
Babette, you are not alone. The pain is incredibly alienating but you are not alone. Missing Kara with you, wishing neither of us had to know the tragedy of losing a child. :(
thank you for sharing a photo of Kara's grave with us. it is beautiful. and yet...how f#cked up is it to be sharing grave pictures, urn pictures. it never fails to stab me in the chest.
I'm not surprised at the sobfest... or the admission that bad days happen when you're alone. I am the same.
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