Can I get a Do-Over?

I have been in a slump since my last IVF cycle failed. I know I'm in a slump, and I feel powerless to change it. Positive thoughts? bah! That doesn't really work for me. I feel like I need a big change in my life - new job? new house? new baby? I am stuck in a rut of sadness and exposing and identifying the various causes of my sadness each day is like peeling back an onion. There are just so many layers upon rotten layers, and it all winds up to missing my baby.

I am caught in a rip tide of sadness. I feel as if I need someone to straighten out my life and say 'That's it - that's what you should change and you'll start feeling better.'

• I work from home as a manufacturer's sales rep. I love sales, but working from home is tough when I wake up sad and can't get motivated to make those phone calls. On the other hand, if I get pregnant and have a live child, this job would be perfect. I am home 2 days per week and on the road locally the other 3. (lately, I'm home a lot more often.) Perfect for a small child at home. I sought out this job because I wanted to work from home when I was pregnant and started my family. It also works for infertility/IVF treatments because my schedule is so flexible and nobody is in my business. Starting and having a family is and was my #1 priority. 3 years later, I'm still without a live child and I'm working in a job where my MBA is being wasted, I'm not motivated and have too much time to be sad, I'm not interested in the industry or the products I sell, and I have generally 'dumbed' myself down professionally. Not sure what to do here, since I'm still not pregnant and now hate my job and the people I work with. I've started to look, but can't commit to commuting 1 hour to NYC for a 'real' job when I might be pregnant in November.
• My home is a brand new townhouse that backs up to the beach. My deck is 80 feet from the Atlantic ocean. How can I beat that? We have a really nice place that we love very much. Except, its full of sadness. This house reminds me of being pregnant with Kara, and of grieving so hard for her when we lost her. Everywhere around me are reminders of happier days. We talk about moving up to Westchester for a while and renting out our place, but Kara is buried here in town and moving an hour north of here....I just can't bring myself to leave her. How could I live an hour away and not be able to visit her whenever I wanted to? I don't know if I could do it. But a change of scenery sounds appealing sometimes. I don't think I can do it.
• I have failed IVF so many times I can barely count anymore. Kara was our 3rd IVF attempt and she was a miracle. Since losing Kara, we've failed 4 additional IVF cycles in 1 year and I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. I hate my body and can't get back into fighting shape. I've been soft and 10-15lbs overweight for 3 years since starting Infertility treatments. I never used to go above 135lbs - e.v.e.r. NOW I'm 154. ugh. I work out 4-5 times per week and I eat healthy - I just can't lose without starving myself. So I cry about that too. My self-image just sucks and I've devalued myself as a woman and as a person by letting IVF kick my ass. At least I've started W.eigh.t W.atch.ers this week. That's one thing I feel like I can control - counting those damned points. I feel like I'm on the right path here. Come November, I'm hoping to be pregnant anyway (see, it always comes down to that - I might be pregnant next cycle....this is how I live my stupid life.)
• I am grieving the loss of my first and only child, Kara. 37 1/2 weeks and her heart stops?! WTF? I am angry at God, angry at my body, and overwhelmed that I will never get to do the things I had planned with this special little person. She was already such a huge part of our lives when I was pregnant with her, how can one watch her dreams disappear in one sentence 'I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat. ' HOW??? All of my dreams went up in smoke that day and all the days since. Everything I had planned for this little princess was gone. And I have no living children at home to distract me, or to make me want to live again. All I live for is the next IVF cycle, hoping that I get 1 good embryo. I miss her with every breath, and will for the rest of my life.
• I am grieving the possible loss of motherhood. I can't continue on this IVF-path much longer. Emotionally, I am spent. Physically, I am shot. If someone could tell me that 10 IVF cycles later, I'll definitely have a baby - then I'd do it. But to keep going on this emotional rollercoaster is insanity. Every three months, Estrogen, Progesterone, Gona.l-F, Men.opur, Cet.rotide, Lu.pron. Ultrasounds;, ooops, there are only 5 follicles. Retrieval; only 3 mature eggs. ICSI; 3 fertilized. 3-day update, 5-day update, PGD testing, 24-hr wait until we hear the news "I'm sorry, all embryos tested abnormal." Each milestone builds up your hope just a tiny bit, until you're actually thinking positive at the 3-day update, thinking 'yeah, this just might be it.' You begin to read deeper into the doctor's voicemails..."maybe because he called me in the evening last time, it's good news this time. He hasn't called yet and its the next morning - it MUST be good news!" nope. it's all bad news.

How to go on like this? Will another pregnancy and a live child actually help pull me out of this funk? Do I need a life change? How about a new life? (that sounds good - can I get a 'do-over'?)