My husband told me last weekend that his cousin C asked him to be Godfather to one of his new twins. C lives in California and we live in NJ, so we don't see them often. Apparently, C & his wife S have had 3 more kids since last time we saw each other a couple of years ago. The happy little Fertile couple. The last time we saw each other was at C's little sister's wedding when I was 10 weeks pregnant with Kara. Almost 2 years ago. His wife S and I were talking about pregnancy and she shared that she suffered several miscarriages after her first child. When I expressed my sympathy she replied "I'm just lucky I get pregnant so easily." Just like that. No biggie. Miscarriages are not devastating to some, I guess.
They didn't come to Kara's funeral. I received a card, but I think that was it. I don't remember an email or a voicemail from them either at the time of Kara's death or since then to check on how we're doing. I should not be surprised, I guess, considering how easily she handled her own miscarriages. Maybe I'm being too harsh?
I'm pissed off. We didn't receive an invitation to the Christening, just a voicemail asking Peter to be the Godfather. My husband lost his infant daughter 1 year ago and you never called or wrote to check in on him. And now you're asking him to hold your baby and be his Godfather? And to drive 2 hours to CT to be there?
I have to go to the Christening tomorrow and see loads of infants/babies. What fun this will be. I will meet my neice for the first time - my neice who was born 4 weeks after Kara died. This I am dreading, but it's time. My sister-in-law "B" is a wonderful person and I miss her very much. We were so excited to be pregnant together, and equally excited that our daughters would be so close in age. Now there's just her. And I have to see her. I have to see how big my daughter would be by now, the milestones she would have reached. Kara was my firstborn, so I know none of these things. I'm sure it's going to sting like hell. But I'm ready for it...I think. I know I have to do it sooner or later, and it's been a year. I feel like it's time.
But I'm pissed that I have to go to this Christening. I have to put myself out for these people who I feel have ignored our pain for the last year. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe they reached out through my DH and I didn't know. But I am bitter and angry that we have to go to this thing tomorrow, and be surrounded by babies. I'm even more angry that they asked DH to be the Godfather. How fucking insensitive can you be?
Am I overreacting?
I bought them christening girfts today and muttered obscenities the entire time.
6 comments:
No. I don't think you are overreacting at all. Not one bit. Wishing you love and peace for the day. It will be so hard and you're being braver than me. I have still only met/held one baby (my best friend's) since last August. Just can't do it.
xo
No, you are not overreacting at all. Some people just don't get it. I feel that it is hugely insensitive... ignoring your pain, then expecting you to be all absorbed in their joy. I so understand your bitterness. I'm sorry you have to endure this.
No. No overreacting on your part. How rude and selfish most people are!!! That it doesn't even cross their minds that this might be a terrible insensitive thing to do!! (They probably think they're doing a nice thing.) You're better than I am. I wouldn't go. And I don't think my DH would be godfather.
the best thing i can say for them is, ignorance is bliss... people do, say, think the most unbelievable things because they don't know that it hurts instead they think they are doing us a favour, like making P the Godfather. And what's suppose to be an act of love and appreciation is just salt in a wound.
Try a mantra and cuss under you breath if that can make you smile secretly. Because you have a blackbelt in life, they don't.
love, love, love
xoxoxo Ines
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be put in that position. It was hard enough for me this weekend going to a friend's baby shower but I didn't have to stand up there and she & her family have been there for me. I'm thinking of you today!!!
Just read that you're in NJ...we just moved here a few months ago. I hope you'll find a way to ping me offline - maybe we live close to each other? I think I saw that you are cycling at SIRM...me too.
This is my first visit to your blog. You have been through hell and back and I am amazed at your perseverance. I don't know how you carry on but you do.
Hugs
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