So today started out as another terrible day. I think I overdid it yesterday and my back suffered horribly today. My in-laws came over for dinner and sitting there entertaining people, eating dinner at the restaurant - it was all a little too much on my back. I slept maybe 3 hours last night. My back hurt so bad, I was up half the night just trying to stretch and using a hand massager, just to alleviate the pain. I can't believe I have to endure this pain for another 8 weeks.
My husband took me to his chiropractor this morning and he did some physical therapy with me, which helped for about 2 hours. I spoke with my OB and she had no advice except to see a physcial therapist (chiropractor) and to get pregnancy massages. So I'm back to the chiro tomorrow and having a massage on saturday. But lots of tears today.
I am officially 'off' my anti-depressants as of this week...and it shows. I am worried about the babies - I don't feel them move as much as I'd like to. I can't remember when, exactly, Kara started moving a lot, but I remember that doing her kick counts was easy because she was so active. My Dr. hasn't started me on kick counts yet, but these little guys are just on their own schedule. If I don't feel them for a few hours, I literally freak out and think they're dead. I just can't do this dead-baby thing again. I'll die if I have to go through it again. I am just miserable. I begin seeing my OB twice weekly starting Monday, so I'll have to figure out a way to stay calm until then. There's nothing they can do anyway. At least seeing them twice weekly from now on, may calm my fears somewhat. I am truly freaked out today. Between the back pain and the worry about the babies, I'm a mess.
2 more weeks of work and then I'm just waiting for my c-section. I have 8 more weeks of worrying whether they'll live or die, while I'm in terrible pain. Sounds like hell.
In the meantime, I will miss my DH's graduation from Business School (I can't sit in that auditorium for 2 hours), 1 wedding, 1 graduation party and a trip to my SIL's in Maine. All of this, DH must do on his own because of his invalid wife.
Ugh. I just wish these 8 weeks would fly by.
5 comments:
Carrying one baby after loss was hard enough. You have double the worry carrying two. Two lives to nurture and worry about.
I really feel for you and I'm thinking about you so much these days. Just waiting and waiting for your good news.
I really believe you will get the very best outcome this time.
xo
I feel for you, I really do.
I was constantly worried that my babies were dead. I used a doppler.every.single.day. I bought one - and as a matter of fact - if you want it, it is yours, just email me your address. Both of my placentas were anterior, so it made it even harder to feel them and it felt like they did not move for hours. The way their personalities are - I know now that my daughter was the sleeper and my son was the mover.
Just do whatever you need to do to get through the next 8 weeks - whatever that is, however much it costs, however much you call the doc, etc. etc. etc. - just do it, peace of mind is priceless.
((HUGS))
I do think you are getting into the hardest part now, and it is going to be tough. My only suggestion is to do what you've done do far and take it day by day and don't think much past that.
Today, the babies are okay. Give yourself a tick and go onto tomorrow.
Everything is so much worse on no sleep as well. Like Sally, I do believe these two are going to come through...
love you, babette. Sending you strength and love and hope.
xxoo Ines
PS you are not an invalid!
I hope the next 8 weeks fly by, and everyday your babies let you know they are thriving and cant wait to meet you.
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