So after debating with myself for weeks on whether to go out on leave early at 30 weeks or whether to try to work until the end, I decided a couple of weeks ago that I'd go out early. I feel like I've worked too hard on this pregnancy to risk working too long. Although I work from home a couple of days a week, I am still on the road visiting customers, visiting construction jobsites (i know...) and generally trying to sell products in order to keep my sales up in this shitty economy. The traveling is really getting to me -just being in the car and traveling to customers in Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx and Long Island is a killer. The roads are horrible and I bump around getting all jostled and uncomfortable. Not to mention the horriffic traffic we enjoy here in the NY Metro area. And I've already given up my Upstate NY traveling! No more Buffalo, Syracuse or Rochester for me until I come back.
Anyway - I decided this was for the best because I need to slow down and take care of me and the babies. I mean, I could fake it and work from home all month in June, but then I'm "on call" and anytime someone needs to see me, I'd have to say yes. I didn't want to open myself up to that possibility.
Boy, did I make the right decision. This morning, my boss called me to discuss sales attrition at a specific account. I am in the envious position of having no authority and 100% responsiblity. Long story short, my boss made me miserable about the failing relationship at this account and their horrendous sales attrition since January. Mind you, every time he comes to town, he makes his own appointments there, thereby emasculating me and sidelining my responsibility in the market. Mind you, my Inside Sales Rep is responsible for distributor relationships (a corporate directive) and I'm responsible for their contractor relationships.
But I digress. Apparently I am solely responsible for their account.
Anyway - he proceeds to make me feel like shit about this account and now I need to figure out WTF is going on with the account before another manager comes to town in 3 weeks. And before I go out on Maternity Leave in just 3-1/2 weeks. Really?
I know this sounds like no big deal, but it is. It's huge. I have been awarded the Sales award two years in a row and now I'm being treated like I'm neglecting my duties. Just before Maternity Leave begins. So I ask myself - will I worry about being fired when I return? Of course I will. Will I worry over this incessantly until I get back to leave? of course. That fucker. I work my fucking ass off and this is what I get for it. But you know what? I brought it on myself. I took this job because it's a work-from-home job that pays 6-figures. I have my MBA, I can do better. However, with this job I can have my family and work from home 2 days a week, and the other 3 days are left to me to schedule. I don't have to commute to Manhattan 5-days a week and return home drained and miserable. I don't have to leave my babies in day care 5-days a week and leave strangers to raise them.
My instinct is to immediately update my resume and start looking for a new job while out on leave. But I think I need to cool my heels a little bit and think of the long term. This is the perfect job for raising a family, and if I need to put up with political bullshit, then that's what I need to do, I guess. This is not the economy to go looking for greener pastures, and my DH isn't even working. He's been a full time EMBA student for 2 years - graduating in 2 weeks. Even if he were working, we can't really survive on 1 income because of his child support obligations.
Ugh - I'm so glad I'm out of here in 3-1/2 weeks. This is just the kind of shit I was hoping to avoid, by going on leave a little early. I do not need this stress and it reinforces my belief that I did the right thing by going out early. They can survive without me for 3 months.
One more thing. When my baby died, I took the 8 weeks off necessary to recuperate from my c-section. I was back in the frickin saddle exactly 8 weeks to the day that she died. I was miserable. I couldn't concentrate for a whole year. I cried every day and basically wished I were dead. But I continued to work and I made salesman of the year that year. I wanted to be dead, and life continued on. I was a good little soldier and soldiered on although my world had ended. Fuck them. This time I'm taking the time I need.
7 comments:
Fuck them is right. I am an attorney at a large firm - I quit working by 32 weeks and it was the best thing that I have ever done. I too am going to try and work from home as much as possible - I told my husband our kids' first words will probably be "Sister Phyllis" from the daycare...
You know, every single job has this type of nonsense that gets under your skin. Especially in tough times when everyone above starts looking for cover.
You totally made the right decision and I can see the thinking that got you those awards, despite the awful grief!
I can't WAIT to hear these babies are here and healthy.
Your boss sounds like a total asshole and I soooo relate. Maybe reframe next year - from salesperson of the year to mom of the year ;-)
They won't fire you coz you can sue the pants off them and they don't want to fire you coz you are a rain maker. So, take the time, block them out and concentrate on your lovely 'home' time. Bad bosses be damned!
I absolutely love my double snap n go - I have Chicco keyfit 30 carseats and they work fine - you have to remove some of the hardware from the stroller to get it to work - I believe that is true with any carseat. I bought a bob duallie 12 inch for walking and jogging - I think I am going to buy a cheap double umbrella stroller for grocery outings, etc. It is nearly impossible to shop with the double stroller by yourself - I have pulled a cart behind me while pushing the stroller ahead of me, not an easy thing! I have considered putting one in the baby bjorn and carrying a carseat in but I have not tried that yet.
Niki at myjourneytomylesandbeyond also did a TON of twin gear research - her blog is linked on mine if you want to check it out.
If you do not have family that can come and stay with you - and if you can afford it, you should also have someone come help you the first few weeks - it was the most magical time of my life but it was also grueling - and I mean grueling!!! I think it was tougher since I was really sedentary the last month of the pregnancy - and I ended up with a schlew of post partum issues like a 2nd degree tear, hemorrhoids, an anal fissure and a urinary tract infection - not pleasant - and no sleep made it difficult to recover physically.
I am really excited for you - we are not having any more children and those first moments are truly magical.
Lisa - meinsideout.wordpress.com (on my stepson's computer - for some reason he is on mine)
Fuckers.
For what it's worth, you inspire me. I never went back to work after Hope died. I sat on my couch wanting to be dead. I had 12 months maternity leave from my position (we get a better deal here in Australia) and I was going to take it, baby or no baby. But my work then backed me in to a corner and I had to resign. I was preg with Angus and of course needed more time off, and they wouldn't give it to me. This is after the CEO of the company, tears in her eyes at Hope's funeral told me they would do ANYTHING for me to make things easy for me whenever I wanted to return to my position. Oh well, their loss.
I'm so angry on your behalf.
xo
My mom used to work in sales and it was an endless source of frustration for her when she didn't have freedom to create and maintain customer relationshps in her own proven successful ways. She always felt cut off at the knees by the boss.
I'm glad you'll be taking ypur leave early. Do what's best for you and the babies. When I had my first miscarriage, I was back at work one day later, and all I got for my dedication and loyalty was a lay-off notice. It taught me not to sacrifice the things which are most important to me for those who don't give a damn anyway.
Balancing work and motherhood is damn hard. Even in my government job, with a paltry salary and with summers off, there are people who will make you feel bad for taking leave or being sick. I can't imagine the pressure you must feel in sales. I hope you can get everything straightened out before your leave begins. It's hard to relax with that crap hanging over your head. xoxoxoxo Let me know if I can do anything.
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