Things are going better here - mommy & daddy are adjusting to the twins' schedule and we are finding things a little tiny bit easier day by day.
They are not on the exact same feeding schedule yet - but that's because we can't figure out how to feed/burp/change BOTH babies while on the same schedule, when it's only ONE of us on the clock. WHen daddy's sleeping, mommy can only do one at a time. Same goes for when Mommy is sleeping - daddy is not comfortable burping one while the other one is still feeding. So we will work on that.
We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our Fisher Price cradle swings. After feeding, changing, burping and a bit of playing, they go into their cradle swings and promptly fall asleep. This gives mommy a little time to pump, clean bottles, do laundry, straighten up, eat, etc. all before starting all over again in about 2.5 hrs. It's a whilrwind here and it's exhausting.
I've asked for help. My mom comes up twice a week and stays over. DH doesn't like it - thinks we can do it ourselves, but my mom is awesome. She does all the laundry, dishes, cooks, cleans up, and helps with feedings. Seriously, she is taking care of the house while we are taking care of the babies. DH needs to start looking for a job and he can't do that if he's staying up all night. Searcing for a job IS a full time job, and he needs to get started. Having my mom here to help will be a huge help to both of us, but he gets SO ANNOYED with her. She can be annoying, I'll be the first to admit. But we need all the help we can get and he needs to frickin' get over it. ALSO - his children come on Saturday for a MONTH LONG VISIT!!! They are in cam for 2 weeks of their 4 weeks her, but seriously, I don't want to be taking care of his kids (12yrs & 14yrs) while I'm trying to stay alive here taking care of my new babies. I'm dreading the month of August.
I'm exclusively pumping - breastfeeding is not working out for me. They latch, then get frustrated because they're used to the fast-flowing bottle, and I give in to get them a bottle. I'm also only producing enough milk of about 1/3 of ONE baby's daily requirements, which totally sucks. I'm really angry at myself for not trying harder while in the hospital. I should have braved that awful hospital pump and just fucking got it done. I was in so much pain and so exhausted that I gave up too quickly. I was also SO IRRITATED that people were constantly in my room that I just gave up trying to retain any sort of privacy. I just said fuck it....I had a parade of people coming and going and I should have been able to control it better. Now I'm angry with myself for not trying harder and for having to pump every 3 hours. I've pretty much resigned myslef to pumping for the next 8-10 weeks so at least they'll have SOME breastmilk for their first 3 months. I can't see how I can pump when I go back to work anyway. There is never a good time when you a salesperson and on the road all day long. Like I'm supposed to pump in my car....I just don't see it happening. Now if I can just let go of the guilt and be ok with the reality...
Babies are both doing great otherwise. She had her first bath yesterday and wasn't too sure if she liked it or not. She definitely like being wrapped in the towel afterwards... Still waiting for his cord to fall off so we can get him into the bath also.
I want to thank MEINSIDEOUT for sending over a bunch on twin mommies to my rescue! All of your advice was excellent and I've been discussing your ideas/suggestions with DH. The bouncy seats are finally assembled and we'll try the pumping-while-feeding routine sometime soon. Thank you for all of your support - it really made me smile to know so many people have offered their support.
Loving being a mom to live babies - love being able to physically express my incredible love for them through snuggles, hugs, kisses and most of all, being able to tell them how much I love them. I struggled with this when Kara died - felt like I had so many ways to shower her with my love and it all got pent up inside when she died. It is unimaginable, the pain of losing a baby/child. Of not being able to express your feelings to them, of all the things you and they miss out on. I feel so fulfilled by being able to snuggle them and give them my love. It's a wonderful feeling.
6 comments:
wow, sounds like things are really getting into the swing of things. so happy for you!!
So glad you are getting help. My mom was my savior - we are not close and she really gets on my dh's nerves - but she cleaned, did laundry and helped with the babies. She cannot cook - I mean it - we were raised on frozen food - but hey, I would have collapsed without her when my dh went back to work. So I made my dh suck it up and kiss her ass - she was killing herself to help us!!!
I am so glad you are able to express your love to the babies - they - and Kara - are lucky to have you as their mother.
((HUGS))
Another twin mommy here - only mine are a tad older (3 years), but I can totally remember the beginning time. I too had a hard time breastfeeding and ended up doing a combo of BFing and pumping for about 4 months. Do what you have to do to survive...your babies will be fine no matter how you choose to feed them!
And I can remember how hard it was trying to feed one at a time - eventually we went to putting them on the same schedule and oh boy it was really hard to do at first, but ended up being a life saver. It only takes some time to figure out how to feed both (I HIGHLY recommend the bouncy seats - we fed them in there many, many times)...but once things get into a routine, you'll actually have some time to yourself, or some time to play with the babies instead of feeling like a feeding/diapering station all day long.
The early months are the hardest, hang in there, it does get easier! And you're doing well already!! (((hugs))) good luck with the visit in August, hopefully the kids will be so excited about the babies that they will help you!
Carol
So happy to get an update. Was going to suggest a swing/s! Angus just LOVES his still and he's 8 months old. He's right on the weight limit for ours, but he still goes in it to calm down for bed. Doesn't sleep in it as often now, but we've got hours out of him in it. Been the best money we've spent on any baby gimmick! He's actually in it right now, but just staring (and trying to grab) the jungle animals above him!
You sound a lot better and like a bit of the crazy fog is starting to lift. It is such hard work, but not nearly as hard as losing and living without Kara.
You're doing great.
xo
ps: Mum's can be annoying yes, but make the most of it! My mum came a lot and still does. The help is vital!
I really love the end of your post - that you have found fulfillment in your babies. And perhaps you can give to them some of the love you had stored up for Kara. I'm sure they all met in heaven.
The FP cradle swings are adorable. I have my hands full with one baby, and nothing is by-the-book. With two, you have more to figure out. I'm SO glad your mom came to help. As long as she is really helping - and it sounds like she is - your DH needs to cope. The first month or so is bumpy, and any help you can get will go a long way.
As for the breastfeeding, please know that not every woman can produce the same amount of milk. I always thought every nursing mother would gush milk. Not so. My left breast has always been a poor producer, even in the best of times. I'm lucky to pump one or two ounces on that side, whereas I can sometimes pump 3 or 4 ounces from my right side. I doubt I ever would have produced enough milk to fully feed my baby. So just do what you can do and what you want to do. They'll get the benefit of whatever milk you can supply them with.
I'm glad things are getting better. :)
good to hear things are going better and your mom is there to help.
wondering if you've tried the nipple shield? that really helped me a lot!
also the moby wrap is awesome. it's comfortable to carry babe in and also helps calm them down too cuz it's like they are swaddled on your body. i saw a couple the other day with one babe each on them in the moby wrap.
Post a Comment